The bullying has to stop. We all agree.
Have you ever stopped to think about where it comes from? What turns a child into a bully?
I went through every year of my schooling being bullied in some way or another. It did define me- as a child, a teen, and now as an adult. I was bullied about my clothes, my hair, for having the friends I had (I was a bit of a nerd), I was bullied by people at school, teachers, family, and friends. It did not ruin me…but it does ruin other people everyday, and it makes me sad. I had a teacher in first grade that was so horrible to me I wanted to drop out of school at the age of 6…She berated me daily, she once told me she couldn’t wait until I died because she was going to wear bright red to my funeral- a red dress, a red hat, and red lipstick. I remember it like it was yesterday…my point being that words hurt and the hurt doesn’t go away. That awfulness was said to me 41 flipping years ago, and I still cringe thinking about it. I wonder how many children she hurt over the years.
Studies show that bullying is a learned behavior…think about that for a second. Children learn to be bullies, most of them from their parents.
And here is an example- from the movie Billy Madison, a comedy from Adam Sandler….. I give you the O’Doyle family:
(So I realize putting a comedy movie clip montage is not the best example, but it works for me in this moment)
When someone points this “learned behavior” fact out to us most of us will say “Not me…I’m not a bully, I don’t model that behavior.”
Are you sure? I mean absolutely sure?
Maybe you aren’t. But I can tell you that almost everyone I know is…in some form or another, even me.
Maybe you watched a video of an overweight woman falling in the gym and laughed, maybe you thought it was funny enough to show someone, or worse- re-post on social media…it seems so harmless, but it shows that you think it is OK to pick on overweight people…think about it- somewhere there is a woman that was filmed and she is sitting at home as the video of her goes viral- she is highly embarrassed- everyone she knows can now see her shame and embarrassment, and people are laughing at her. And you think it is OK, and laugh. This is bullying, and your children see it.
Maybe it is political- maybe you are so upset about the current state of the world that you openly shame people with different views. This shows those around you that it is OK to treat people with different opinions differently, to treat them bad, call them stupid…This is bullying, and your children see it.
Maybe it is a home life thing, maybe you bully your spouse- woman do it all the time withholding affection if they don’t get their way, men do it to…Acting out when you don’t get what you want…causing someone else to suffer because you don’t get your way is bullying, and your children see it.
Maybe your Husband plays rough with the kids- I know someone who does, and the mother in this family has no idea that the Husband kicking her son in the butt “playfully” when he doesn’t listen is actually teaching him to hurt people. He already, at the young age of 3, is bullying his Mother daily to get what he wants. He sees it in his home and models the behavior. He throws things when he doesn’t get his way, he sees it done by his Father and thinks it is just what you do, he also has taken to hitting his Mother. Sad. But what can she do? She is bullied by her husband as well. When the 3 year old hits her she thinks it is OK because he doesn’t know it is wrong at 3, but what I see is the husband modeling a bullying culture in that home, and they are raising a bully- he may be 3, but one day he will be 13 acting out and being aggressive with others when he doesn’t get his way. She refuses to see this problem, blinded by love, so nothing will change.
Maybe your friend is over, your kids are watching TV, you think they aren’t listening to you and your friend as you gossip…gossiping is bullying behavior. I remember one of my sons friends telling me about how another friends Mother had been talking about his father to her friend in another room- saying all kinds of bad things, he was extremely hurt by this. That is bullying, he was hurt forever by her comments about his father…and she didn’t even know he had heard her.
If what you say might hurt someone, you shouldn’t say it
The entire world is full of bullying, and adults model the behavior everyday, the children are learning it from us, and I, as well as everyone I know, am guilty of this.
The bullying problem has only gotten worse with social media, adults and children alike seem to think it is OK to post disparaging comments about people online- it feels OK because you are not saying things to peoples faces, but it is still bullying. Hiding behind a computer to be mean is still bullying. Saying nasty stuff about people you don’t know is still bullying, and worse- the children now think it is OK.
We, as a society did this, we need to accept the responsibility of our actions and learn from it and grow. That is the first step to change this bullying culture we live in.
Take a good look at yourself and make sure you aren’t part of the problem. Most of the people I know talk the talk, but not all of them walk the walk. Most of the people that I think are adult bullies have absolutely no idea that they are exhibiting bully like behavior…but having spent my entire life being bullied, I know one when I see one…and I have been one too, so yes, I am part of the problem. Accidental adult bullies are still bullies.
Bullies are not born, they are raised…So lead by example, be the person you want your child to be…Kindness to all really can make the world a better place.
Jillybean's Journey 